My relationship with toilets...

Ha. I'm totally to write about poo. So be warned. My first post of travel in Thailand will be about poo. I'll leave the rest up to Gregg.... you know, the sights, the sounds, the people....

So, fourth day in paradise on Kho Pha-ngan and I've been struck with traveller's diarrhea. You know that medicine that the doctor tells you you need, that costs a day's wages? The medicine that I almost didn't bother buying? Well... I sit here thankful at having bought it.

True to form, I feel compelled to write about the local toilet customs (as I did in Japan - "to squat or not to squat" - another blog, another time). In Japan, I discovered a fascination with the squat toilet - and that fascination continues - has blossomed, really. A morbid fascination now, as I've recently become VERY acquainted with squatting. Perhaps yoga has come in handy here, training my legs to feel comfortable in the low squat position (not too high or there's overspray)...

At first I was confused by the often ill-placed shower nozzles in Bangkok bathrooms. I knew they must be used as a sort of bidet, but really, how? The purpose seemed clear, but the practicality unfamiliar. It was only after the toilet paper ran out, late last night (surrounded by screeching jungle animals and creepy crawlys in the shadows) did I reach for the nozzle.

I think the Thais are really on to something!

Hesitant at first, I started with light pressure and short bursts of water. Not altogether unpleasant. Actually, come to think of it, quite soothing. So soothing in fact, my rear end has personally thanked me.

It makes so much sense. My rear is relieved and thankful - THANK YOU for sparing me the scratchy dry paper that never really seems to finish the job. And this just one aspect of the joy that is a squat toilet. Think of momentum, if you will - it's like we are helping our body do what it needs to do.

And when all is said and done, your hands need never touch that area which is unholy. Your hands are unsullied and may carry on with their day, reserved for other tasks.

Do you know where you are???????

Oh hi. Good to see you.

We arrived, sleepy from trying to sleep on a rickety and loud train, only to jump on a bus for one hour, then hit a ferry for 3 hours to get to the island of Koh PhaNgan (we changed our minds about Koh Samui because it's apparently a lot busier and more touristy). Koh PhaNgan is the island that hosts a huge rave on a regular basis called the Full Moon party, but it's less developed and has more isolated beaches to explore, and apparently we were arriving between these scheduled events so it should be pretty quiet, right?
So we get there and I swear I'm in Florida on Spring Break, only everything is in Thai and it's a million times hotter out. I'm surrounded by white assholes looking to get shitfaced on a shoestring, not caring that they're in this wonderous faraway land, just wanting to get messed up and dance like idiots on the beach. We knew we weren't going to be staying in this part of the island, and we had read about this secluded little hideaway that can only be reached by longboat taxi (so secluded that they don't take reservations b/c people don't always make the effort to get there after reserving). So after the usual haggling for a taxi, we finally get one to take us to Hat Rin (still part of the party town) and fight our way through the crowds of college students drinking away Daddy's trust fund to take a longboat.
We were told to haggle for a better price, but in this town, at this time, they're not budging. Really not a big deal, as we're paying 150 Baht each (about $4.50) to get to this beach, praying they still have a space available (they said they did on the phone, but I was frantically trying to beat any other ppl there, Amazing Race style.
My Thai is not good, btw. Apparently I've been misprouncing my hello greeting by calling everyone a man. SORRY THAILAND LADIES. SORRY. Anyway, we tell him we want to go to the Wellness Sanctuary on Hat Thien, and as we pull away from the party town we notice it's getting quieter and quieter, and the water is getting greener and more crystal clear....

Ten minutes later we zoom around some giant rock formations and find paradise.

Nestled at the edge of the jungle right on a beautiful quiet beach, we find the Wellness Sanctuary, a collection of little treehouse bungalows and huts with yoga classes, an open cafe on the beach, and a really relaxed atmosphere. We take a little bungalow in the trees surrounded by jungle (I have been REMARKABLY restrained with my "Welcome to the Jungle" references, emitting my horrible Axl Rose impression only about 3 times since. Please ignore that I call it the "jungalow"), about a 30 second walk from the beach. We have a little balcony overlooking the beach with a hammock, a chirping gecko who lives on our roof and is apparently very good luck in Thai culture, and we've been here for a few days now. It's costing us 1000 Baht a day (about $30). It's beautiful, it's quiet, the water is perfect, everything is perfect. Which is why I haven't blogged until now. SORRY INTERNET. SORRY.

Seriously, check this shit out: http://www.thesanctuarythailand.com/
That feeling you feel in your gut is jealousy. Mostly. It might also be gas.



So we're here for at least another week....we're debating whether we should head back to Bangkok or Chiang Mai for another day or two before I fly out and Anita keeps travelling on to Malaysia. It's REALLLLY hard to think about leaving this island to go back to the city, but there are a few things I'd like to see ....the Grand Palace. The Floating Market. A Muay Thai match. More elephants (I've seen two). More monkeys (I've seen two, but they were bored looking Macaques eating food in the back of a pickup truck. Does that count?)

What do you think, sirs?

-gregg

Night Train to Sarat Thani, starring the Bed Sargeant

How about that political strife in Bangkok huh? It apparently started just after we got in town....literally the hour we were en route to our hotel from the airport. Which means one thing: WE WERE THE CATALYST THAT STARTED THE REVOLUTION. That's right, kids. Seriously though, it was a bit odd to be in a cab seeing all these armed guards w/AK-47s in front of strategic corners of the city...way to make a guy feel welcome, kids.

Anyway, our first day, as we mentioned, was all about Songkhram, the Thai New Year. If you don't know, it's basically an excuse for people to shut down all businesses and have a gigantic water fight in the street. We're talking thousands of people all shooting squirt guns at each other. It was FANTASTIC. I purchased a badass Ultraman squirt gun for 50 Baht (about $1.50) and went to work, while Anita splurged on the higher-end super soaker (which promised "super wet times" or something similar) which didn't work (or worked TOO well, if you consider that it never stopped shooting water). Thai peeps also like to rub an odd white paste on your face as they wish you good luck. I got COVERED. It's interesting too, as it's apparently very much a no-no to touch other ppl's heads here (baddd luck and disrespectful). It's also bad manners to point your feet at images of the Buddha, or at other ppl, as the feet are the lowest part of the body and are FILTHY. Oh Thailand, you so crazy. Anyway, as burnt out as Thailand (or at least the urban centers) seem to be on white-ass "farang" tourists like us, we felt genuinely welcome here and had an an incredible day. You know, aside from the ass who tried to pickpocket Anita in the crowd before I grabbed his arm, gave him my Look of Death (TM), then said "NOT ON MY WATCH MOTHERF**KER" before roundhouse kicking him square in the face and sending him flying directly into the back of a waiting police van to the delight of the crowd who raised me on their shoulders and paraded me around as one of their own. (Note: The true portion of the story ends at "(TM)")



The next day (yep, the water fight took up the whole day...the celebration goes on for 3 solid days), we decided to stay dry and take a longboat around to see a few Wats (temples). So many impressively huge, ornate Buddha statues contained in these giant temples that look like something Indiana Jones would have scoured for treasure before he got all retarded and starting hiding from nuclear explosions in fridges (SPOILER ALERT). Impressive to say the least, and very humbling. We also broke all the rules and had food from a street vendor, and it was one of the best meals I've ever eaten in my life.

But you're wondering about the train, right? Right.

April is the tail-end of Thailand's hottest season, and let me tell you, wandering around and sightseeing in 40C heat (in Fahrenheit, that's also ridiculously hot) is not that fun. Like OMG-I-MIGHT-DIE not fun. Couple that with the protestors vs violent military intervention action that was actually only a few dozen blocks from where the water fight was, and our previous decision to travel via train by night to escape to a little beachy island seemed all the more appealing.
We had second class seating which was pretty comfy and folded out into little sleeper cars, which was good as the train to Sarat Thani was about 10 hrs from 7:30pm to 6:30am. Each car had what I called the Bed Sargeant, a fellow with what looked like military garb who would set up and take down the bedding/seating in every car. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SET UP THE BEDS YOURSELF. THE BED SARGEANT WOULD NOT APPROVE AND YOU MAY BE PUNISHED. This guy took his job very seriously and I wasn't about to mess with that. Would you? Liar, you would not.

Anyway....so we're on the train to southern Thailand. More to come....
-gregg

Night and Day

Hi all, after a gruelling 24hrs in planes and airports, we arrived just in time for protests and military presence. HUZZAH! Don't worry, we're fine, in fact it's hard to believe that this is happening in the same city that we're in right now...
We spent the day exploring, and ended up in Songkhran, the Thai New Year celebration....which is basically a BIG ASS WATER FIGHT. It's insane, the streets were packed with revellers armed with squirt guns, everyone laughing and smiling, wishing people good luck in the new year. We were good-naturedly soaked, and had our faces covered in white paste as is the tradition (what that means, we're not yet sure).
I also stopped some dude from pickpocketing Anita. Scared the crap out of him. Totally felt like an action hero.
Tomorrow we're taking the train south to Surat Thani (about 10 hrs from here) and then taking a boat over to Ko Samui, where we plan on chilling on the beach for a few days. More to come!

Nothing to see here

Yet.

We're still in Vancouver, about 5 or so hours away from getting up at the UNGODLY hour of 3am to catch our flight to LA, followed by a 16(!) hour flight to Bangkok. Yep, Anita and I are flying straight into the crazy. Hope you guys will stick around to see what kind of shenanigans we get into. Oh, the shenanigans that will be had.

See you on the other side of the ocean, kids.

-Gregg